Young children are aided in their reading process with pictures that do much of the work for them. Stories are mostly vivid pictures, with small amounts of words. As children grow older, the picture to word ratio skews towards words over pictures. Adults graduate into long books that rarely ever have any pictures. The idea is that we will develop the skills to create our own images in our minds. But what happens when someone is unable to create those pictures in their mind?

Discovering What Others Could Do

It wasn’t until I was about thirty years old that I realized that other people could create images in their mind. I remember being told as a child to count sheep before bed, but always assumed that was just something people just said. I assumed it was an idiomatic expression, like raining cats and dogs. It doesn’t actually rain cats and dogs, and people don’t actually count sheep. It was only after I realized that other people could create images in their mind that I realized people could make sheep walk by in their mind. They could actually count them to relax. The only thing I can create in my mind is blackness. Not black sheep, just the absence of light.

As a young child, this made the transition to books without pictures, a challenge for me. There was no visual aspect to reading in my experience. At times I struggled to focus on the story. Characters in books were people I couldn’t identify, saying things, in places I couldn’t identify. The only time I could actually create a character was if the book had been made into a movie, and I had someone else’s idea for reference. I was not connected to the story by anything meaningful, so the smallest distraction would leave my mind wandering.

I made it through school without my struggles being noticed because I was good at working around them. I was able to pass a test on a book by paying attention to the review sessions in school and studying the study guide. The higher I got in school, the harder it was to hide. The dull textbooks of college made me translate advanced concepts into visualizations, and I couldn’t even convert the easy ones.

What Is Aphantasia?

The condition that causes one to be blind in the mind like I am is known as Aphantasia. Like most conditions, there is spectrum. Some people can see varying degrees of images in their mind. The more severe cases are like mine, a completely blank screen. If I close my eyes and think of a single color, I can’t create it in my mind.

There is little really known about it. The best description I have of the type of aphantasia I have, is that it is like having a computer without a screen. I can think of what a tree is in my mind. A tree is data somewhere in my brain, but I can’t form a picture of a tree in my mind. I can’t see a pine tree, and then change it to a maple tree. I can’t make the maple tree change colors or lose its leaves. I can see a tree that is completely lost in darkness. This is part of the reason I tend to believe I am also quite terrible at drawing. I know what I want to draw, with help from the data in my brain, I just can’t visualize how it should actually look.

Why Knowing About Aphantasia is Important

As adults working with children, it is important to realize that this condition exists. It is not necessarily important that we diagnose it exactly and treat people differently. It is more important to know that it exists as a potential reason children are acting the way they are acting.

Example:

Consider the following situation. You are a teacher trying to help your students settle down and relax. You have them close their eyes and imagine a beach. You ask them feel the sand on their feet, to feel the breeze on their face, to hear the waves crashing. Everything seems to be going well until you hear one child in the back rustling around in their seat, making noise, their eyes wide open.

At a first glance, it may appear that this child is not folowing directions. They may be seen as a “naughty kid”. You could send them into the hallway or to the principal’s office if they further object to listening. You could also consider why they may not be connecting to this activity like the other children are. Maybe they can’t visualize. Maybe when they close their eyes, they see nothing.

Example:

Consider another situation. You are a parent and you want to share your favorite childhood book with your child. It is in a fantasy world with the most interesting creatures you can imagine. You sit down to read the words to your child and they can’t seem to get into it. They won’t sit still, they interrupt you to ask questions all the time. “Who is this character? Where are they?” You get frustrated and refuse to read with them anymore. They obviously aren’t paying attention.

It would be easy to think that your child was just messing around and trying to be a distraction. It might seem like they are just asking you questions just to be a pain, but what if they don’t know what is going on? What if they have no idea what your favorite character looks like or the beautiful world they live in? You could be getting upset with your child for something they can’t help.

How to Handle Aphantasia

As mentioned, I suffer from Aphantasia. I have made it through most of my life without any knowledge that I was missing something. I have always been good at adapting, so I don’t stand out too much. The only problem I had was that as I got older, the world required more of the skills I struggled with. Adapting became harder.

Things that would seem easy to others were difficult for me. I have no mental image of my neighborhood, so I can get lost in a place that I had lived for years. I can literally be a block away from my house and completely lost. I have a ridiculously difficult time with colors. Unless I physically see colors together, I have no idea if they go together. I have trouble with verbal instructions, so the way certain people present information is difficult for me to grasp. The more I was confronted by the things I couldn’t do well, the more I convinced myself that I was insufficient. In reality, I just needed to adapt. I needed others to be understanding and adapt.

The way to handle Aphantasia lies in understanding and adapting. As mentioned, when I didn’t know what was going on, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. As I started to understand it further, I started to realize that I could do things, I just had to do them differently.

How I Adapt:

I used to tell myself I didn’t like reading. The truth was, I was that child I described reading with their parent. I could read, I just needed to make sure I was reading the right thing. I can’t connect with books that require me to create a universe, or create crazy looking characters. I can connect with books that rely on a story that is not dependent on knowing the exact setting or remembering several characters. I often connect better with audiobooks, because I can be active while listening to them. Hearing the words read can also help me process the information better. It’s just the way my brain works. It’s the way I have learned to adapt to fit the way I am, instead of fitting to the way I think I should be.

Another valuable adaptation I have made is communicating what I need. I have had to learn to be open and honest with people. Instead of nodding and saying I get it when someone explains something, I ask for clarification when I need it. I make sure to communicated the fact that I am a visual learner. Most people are perfectly happy to help. If not, do you really want to be working there?

The stubborn part of me has tried several times to defy Aphantasia. I worked for months, trying to develop my ability to see a red ball in my mind. I am still yet to succeed.

In Conclusion

I don’t think it is important to think of Aphantasia, or the possibility that a person might have it, as a problem. I have had it my whole life. I still dream in vivid pictures, which I don’t fully understand. I have always had a very good imagination, it just doesn’t have a visual component. I just do things differently. I can’t imagine what a color would look like on a wall. I have to take a picture of the wall, upload it into an image editor, and actually make the walls that color. What is important, is knowing that it does exist. That way if you do notice a behavior in a child, you don’t end up punishing them for something that may be out of their control.

The way I look at it, the brain power I am not using to visualize, is being used to make me exceptional in other areas.